I always want to start out posts with some deeper, emotional, and personal content by saying that I write this for myself. Most everything I write comes from my own personal experiences that I want to share with others in hopes that it can help someone who relates to what I write. This is not meant to be directed at any one person, but myself. My wish however, is that my writing is purposeful and meaningful for someone else who reads this.
I know what you are thinking as you stare in the mirror with a look of disappointment on your face. I can see the frustration and hurt in your eyes as you check your back side for the 5th time in those pants this morning. I feel the pain as you pinch the skin on your hips and waist and wonder “did this get bigger??” I’ve been there as you turn from side to side trying to get the best angle in the mirror to see yourself, practicing your posture, sucking in your stomach. “Can I really suck it in and stand like this all day?”
When my eyes stop staring at the reflection that I have grown dissatisfied with, I catch the big, blue curious eyes of the prettiest girl I have ever laid my eyes on. I see, the breakfast smudges on her face, the chipped nail polish, and the proudly worn bed head. I see a big toothy grin that shows pure joy and happiness just to be standing next to me. I smile back and think “wow, she’s perfect.” Every part of my insides melt with warmth and amazement of this tiny human I get to be with. She runs over with hands lifted in the air saying “hold you! momma!” How could I say no to that? I stop getting ready, disappointed and giving up with being happy about my own appearance. I think “whatever, you can’t just stand here like this all day.” As I pick up my beautiful toddler, she snuggles me tight, plays with my hair and much to my surprise, stares at me and says “aww pretty.” My heart melts again. What does she see that I am not seeing? Maybe it’s that same feeling and beauty I see in her.
Oh be so careful momma! She sees your every move. Yes she’s little, but she understands more than you realize. She won’t be little forever. Please be careful momma. Even when she’s not there watching you get dressed, scrutinizing every square inch of your body, the thoughts begin to poison your heart and mind. How could it matter what I think or say of myself in private? After all, it’s just me… I’m pretty good at keeping secrets with myself. But you see momma? It’s not so easy. The private dissatisfaction quietly and subtly becomes public dissatisfaction. What at first was just a passing thought becomes a daily thought becomes a subtle word becomes a daily attitude. Do you see it momma? You gotta keep your heart guarded because “out of it springs the issues of life.” (Proverbs 4:23). So momma, don’t let those thoughts have that power. Don’t let them become the attitude and actions in your life that your children learn to repeat. The time comes quickly where the child who saw your beauty where you didn’t suddenly questions it about herself. She wonders what number on the scale should make her happy. She wonders why she was made this shape. She feels what you feel. So momma, let this be your moment to choose to flee those private thoughts. Let this be your moment to choose gratitude. Let this be your moment to find your identity in Jesus. “For where your treasure is, there you heart will be also.” -Matthew 6:21
Let what is pure and noble be the cry of your heart. Because momma, she sees those private thoughts. She may not understand it yet, but she sees your dissatisfaction. So be careful momma, that tiny human thinks the world of you just like you think the world of her. Please momma, teach her where her true identity and worth is because you know too well Satan’s deceit can be a silent, creeping, contagious disease that flows from those lingering thoughts.
But momma, it’s okay. It’s not easy. Don’t beat yourself up. Because momma, there’s grace! Oh amazing grace! Teach her about that grace. Teach her where her worth comes from. You know and believe your sweet child was “fearfully and wonderfully made,” but remember that you were too.
Whether you have daughters, sons, or no kids at all, the principle of this letter can apply. Your thoughts are powerful.